Procrastination Poem

Tonight I have nothing witty to write.
I spent hours today ignoring my life,
fortifying a planter
for dead and dry twigs,
I learned to make match books
from payphones and kids.
Now I sit on this homework
and I twist it around,
as my options fall empty,
and with nary a sound
they pick up all the puzzles
found in paperback books,
look round at the payphones
and give them sad looks.
For only sons know their mothers
will soon be undone,
and an answer is no use
without proper questions.
so find time to know freedom,
and lessen your haste,
and always remember
to let children eat paste.

tweet

I don't tweet.







Deal with it.

momma said

you just have to wait.

Sphinx Moth Picture Shows

I sit here sweating. The heat of this house has reached inside me and forced me out. Life has been giving me the things I told it I wanted. I was not specific enough.

Mondays always surprise me. I end up places before I realize I have left. Today I found myself inside my head. I must have climbed through a window to get there. I know I didn't open any doors.

I was sitting in the grass watching my life unfold on the flitting wings of a sphinx moth. I told him he was beautiful. He didn't notice how much more I could see in him than all the other people. They walked by without noticing. I knew he was more than just wings.

His interest in me was slightly more than lackluster. He used me as a sounding board for dreams about flying. But when it came to falling, he wasn't willing to take the leap. At least not with me. At least not yet.

This made me retreat even farther into myself. But I still left all the windows open, just in case something happened to fall in. Instead there were knocks at the door. The peep hole showed me traveling salesmen that never traveled. In every instance they received a humbling "I'm not interested" and backed their gas fed beast off my land.

Still I wait. My beautiful moth has not returned. He no longer shows views of my dreams on his wings. He never really did. I imagined them there. He has picture shows playing of another girl's dreams. He will always be willing to leap for her. She showed him there is nothing to fear from falling.

Maybe Tuesday he will fly out of her window and fall into mine. We will watch our own picture show unfold.

slow down, there aint no reason to run

I'm feeling this weird emotion right now. A kind of happy sad alive feeling. I don't know if I should dance or cry. There is something about fall that makes everything seem possible. I feel like I could create magic if I tried. I also feel lonely. I like to separate myself from the world and look in on it like I am viewing my own life on TV. Right now I am missing all the connections in my life that are possible and I push away.

I really want to fall in love. It is harder than it looks.

I really want to write songs.

I miss all of the people in my life that slipped into my heart and out of this state. I know some brilliantly wonderful people that I haven't seen in longer than I can justify. Some people make me realize I am alive. I need them near to me.

I think some of my happiest times in life have been when I was helping to make music. When Magdalena's Tea House first opened we would sit for hours making up songs together. I met some of my favorite people there.

I remember visiting Mackinaw Island one summer with my friend Chris. Our friend Matt was working there that summer. The 3 of us road bikes all over the island late into the night, beers in the bike baskets and a guitar on Chris' back. We lay on our backs in the sand looking up at the stars, singing. I wish it could have lasted forever. It is still the best memory I have. I won't ever forget.

I need these people in my life more. I need people who get me, who know where I have been, and have been there with me. What has this world come to when the people you love are the ones you see the least? I want to be on stage with Chris tonight singing. I am feeling the pain of lonely, and the joy of love. together. all at once.

love thy neighbor as thy self

I've been thinking a lot lately about trying to be a good Christian. I wouldnt even call myself a Christian if someone asked my religion, but I do believe in the basic message of the religion. I feel like there is so much negativity surrounding Christianity in today's society (well, all religions really). The true underlying message of religion is love, and love for those who do you wrong and others wrong. Instead of religion spreading this message of love, I see it spreading a message of hate. My new goal is to be the best REAL Christian I can be. I am going to find ways to love people that hurt me, and love people I disagree with, and love people I can't stand. If we all got to know our enemies, I believe that we would have no enemies left. After all, there is no self. Deep down we are all one.

Tired

I'm dead tired, but I'm happy. My first day of the new semester went well. As did my first official day at the new job. However, I can already tell that tuesdays are going to be my new monday. I'm on campus from 9am-8:30 pm with nary a break in between. The one plus to this long of a day is the way my bed is going to feel in 57 seconds when I am absorbed into it's pillowy softness. ahhhhhhhhhh......bed.