slow down, there aint no reason to run

I'm feeling this weird emotion right now. A kind of happy sad alive feeling. I don't know if I should dance or cry. There is something about fall that makes everything seem possible. I feel like I could create magic if I tried. I also feel lonely. I like to separate myself from the world and look in on it like I am viewing my own life on TV. Right now I am missing all the connections in my life that are possible and I push away.

I really want to fall in love. It is harder than it looks.

I really want to write songs.

I miss all of the people in my life that slipped into my heart and out of this state. I know some brilliantly wonderful people that I haven't seen in longer than I can justify. Some people make me realize I am alive. I need them near to me.

I think some of my happiest times in life have been when I was helping to make music. When Magdalena's Tea House first opened we would sit for hours making up songs together. I met some of my favorite people there.

I remember visiting Mackinaw Island one summer with my friend Chris. Our friend Matt was working there that summer. The 3 of us road bikes all over the island late into the night, beers in the bike baskets and a guitar on Chris' back. We lay on our backs in the sand looking up at the stars, singing. I wish it could have lasted forever. It is still the best memory I have. I won't ever forget.

I need these people in my life more. I need people who get me, who know where I have been, and have been there with me. What has this world come to when the people you love are the ones you see the least? I want to be on stage with Chris tonight singing. I am feeling the pain of lonely, and the joy of love. together. all at once.