Time keeper

I just watched a movie where it didn't work out between the guy and the girl. I liked it cause it was more like life.

I've been feeling lonely lately. It's not because I need a man in my life. It's more a sense that something is missing. Maybe it's because my best friend just moved across the country. Everyone in my life seems to be moving on. I feel stuck in time.

I believe in yesterday

When I was younger I enjoyed life more. I had less, but enjoyed more. I had less responsibilities, less accomplishments, less knowledge, less accumulation of stuff. I really had more. I had more freedom.

I dream of living a simple life. A life in the country, close to a lake. Where I can grow my own food and make my own way. I want time to sit on a porch on a hot summer night. I want to listen to a friend play banjo. I want to make things with my own two hands. All of the things I do now, and the technology I use, make me feel so disconnected from myself. I hate missing myself. I don't care about money, I just want to be happy being me. Right now I am trying to make other people happy. All I accomplish is loss of self.

When do I get to swim in gelatin waves? I miss the sand between my toes. I miss picking daisies. I miss canning jars. I miss time spent laying on the floor in a sun-streaked room. And I miss peaches fresh from the tree. When do I get back to being me?

I think I may scream and throw all of my accomplishments into the wind... just to feel whole again.

bed bugs

so, we thought we had bed bugs. My roommate came back from Japan and started to notice she was covered in bites. It turns out we just have fleas. I feel like if we are going to have fleas, we should at least get to have a pet. I guess I could have an imaginary pet. Maybe then we could have imaginary fleas.

Cera

As a woman I find my comedy sorely overlooked. I am just as funny as you Michael Cera, but no one wants to put me in their movie. What's that all about?

Growing down

Run run run run away, it's all I keep thinking. I want to go someplace small. I want to hide in the wind. I am tired of always growing up. I want to grow down now.

It is hard trying to do a good job. For once I want to try and do a bad job. I am ready to give up on my perfectionist ways and just be broken for a while. The good girl inside of me won't give up. I do what I'm supposed to. If I didn't I'm not sure what would happen. My world might implode. I can feel myself floating around like a Santa figurine in a snow globe, listless and unmoving, and it feels right somehow. I am ready for the world to take me. I am sick of being responsible for the world. God, I sound like high school. Maybe I am already growing down.